I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
