I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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