Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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