i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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