If that was your dad, he is hot
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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