How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I have tasted many bathrooms
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
