bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize