Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
