WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
