Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
