We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
