Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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