Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
