I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Randomize
