The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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