I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
