So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
