I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
