After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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