Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
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no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
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I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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