i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Randomize
