so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
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