How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
