he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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