laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
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Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
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Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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