is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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