Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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