I met the friendliest cop last night
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
