right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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