new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
