I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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