I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
