I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
operation harelip BJ is a go
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
