omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
