once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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