Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
