I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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