i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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