i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Randomize
