I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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