you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
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