I just threw up on my dentist
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
porn star boner night. come get it.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
