I puked a lego.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
