Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
