On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
