You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
