My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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