We're facebook friends in real life
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
