If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
