I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
