I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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