Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
being pregnant is like rehab
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
