Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
