Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Randomize
