Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
