Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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