I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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