i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
