just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You are the jesus of drinking
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
