I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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