party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
