I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
