I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
