pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
