If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
