ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just blew my weed a kiss
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I wear drunk well.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
