Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
