I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Randomize