I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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