I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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