Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
